Though I knew most of this already, I did read your story. I had to think on it for a bit before I could comment. You and I have always had a kinship through this ugly infertility crap. Though noone can completely know another's heart, I do understand a lot of/most of how you feel - especially the failure part. I really get that part. You already know that I had an appointment scheduled with this same Dr. but cancelled as my instincts said it wasn't the right time for us. I often wonder where Jeremy and I would be now in our journey had Jacob not come to us (now, I know why my instinct cancelled that appointment). I'm sure we wouldn't be together anymore. There are always so many ifs, so many whys - I honestly think though, If you would have had the time to think, would you have come to the same result? Probably. I know it's a lot, I know it didn't go the way you expected, and I know it's a lot of money - and then again...how do you put a price tag on a child? Only you and Drew can decide how much it's worth to you. I admire your strength and your determination. I know these next steps may not be the ideal but, I completely believe in following your heart, wherever it might lead you. I hate to think of where my beautiful boy would be had I not followed mine... It seems so empty for me to tell you that I'm praying for you as I wish there were more I could do and the worst part is knowing there is nothing anyone can do. Praying is all I CAN do. But, you know I'm always here for you. Anytime.