First, I had my biopsy on that same Friday, the 10th, and I wasn't quite prepared for it. When the nurse who performed the procedure entered the examination room, I was a little confused. "The doctor isn't doing the biopsy?" I thought. Drew also was surprised. Next, she asked me if I'd taken Motrin. I looked at her, confused, and said, "No, no one told me I was supposed to..." She said that a lot of cramping can occur, but sort of shrugged off the fact that I hadn't taken any and said she'd get me some after the procedure if I needed it. Now, I knew this procedure wouldn't be pleasant, but I don't think I really had any idea how unpleasant it would be. Think: yearly pap smear type of uncomfortableness times 100. Yeah. Awful. I assumed the all-too-familiar stirrup position and she proceeded to try to clamp my cervix to keep it "out of the way" for the procedure. Oh, but my cervix was being tricky, you see. She called it "frightened" and "uncooperative." "Well, yeah," I thought. "My cervix knows the drill...it wants to run away right now, get as far away from those clamps at possible...do you really blame it?" She continued to struggle, and I felt myself getting more and more tense, which I'm sure, in turn, made the situation worse. She finally got up and went to find another nurse. The other nurse walked in and was terribly nice, asking me how I was doing, and apologizing for the obstacles they were encountering. She directed the first nurse a bit on what to try, but Nurse #1 was still having problems getting cooperation out of my silly cervix. Finally, Nurse #2 walked to the edge of the examination table, and I felt wholly exposed as two strange people peered into my nether regions while pondering the behavior of my cervix. Nurse #2 tried a few things, Nurse #1 kept apologizing profusely, and Drew stood next to me squeezing my hand. Finally, I could tell Nurse #2 was switching gears. Both nurses were frustrated at not being able to get things to work, and I could feel them switch into "gotta get this done" mode. This mode feels like man-handling, I'll tell you that right now. No more gentle touch or trying to keep me from undue pain. I winced, and winced, then gasped and felt hot tears tumble down my face. Oh my goodness. Nothing prepared for the pain...nothing. I can say without hesitation that it was the second worst pain of my life, second only to the contractions and labor pains I felt during the worst of my miscarriage with LJ. Once they'd obtained their specimen of my endometrial lining, both nurses apologized several more times, then Nurse #1 went to grab some Motrin. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the day pretty much out of commission. I continued to cramp and spent the rest of the day on the couch. Thank goodness I didn't have to work that day.
Earlier that day, Drew and I went to a laboratory in Grand Rapids to get our chromosomal testing done. In the lab, one of the technicians informed us that these particular tests are only performed Monday-Thursdays. Great. Would've been nice to know before. We left, planning to try again the following week. When we asked Nurse #1 at the fertility clinic about that, she said she didn't realize the tests were only performed on those days...well, at least they didn't just forget to tell us that important detail! The following Thursday we went to a different branch of that same laboratory and finally got our blood drawn for the tests. I must say it never ceases to amaze me how charismatic my husband is with strangers we encounter. He had all the ladies in the office laughing and telling me how funny he is by the end of our time there. I like him and think I'll keep him.
Finally, this past Tuesday morning, we had to do the sperm antibody test. That involved Drew providing a "specimen" before he left for work, and me driving like a bat out of hell to Grand Rapids to drop off his specimen and get my own blood drawn again. Now, anyone who has had to do any sort of semen analysis testing before knows that, if you don't provide the sample on-site, you need to get it to the lab quick, and it needs to remain as warm as possible during its transport. I was wondering where the best place would be to "store" the specimen vial during my drive to the lab, and the most convenient and comfortable place ended up being under my shirt, right in the middle of my bra! (I apologize for TMI.) Seriously, there was a perfect little opening there, and it sat quite comfortably. When I arrived at the lab, I also realized how crazy-warm that "compartment" kept the specimen...score! Good work, "girls."
-Em
