I am sick again. My whole department has now gone through the cold/flu/sinus infection crapola that is circulating, and it looks like I'm starting it up again with a sore throat the last few days, body aches, congested sinuses, etc. I hate mouth-breathing, don't you?

On a positive note, I was nominated for, and received, an award from the assistant superintendent this week. It was a cash award for going "above and beyond" in my job. That made me feel good. In addition, one of the publications I produce here monthly is being nominated for a national public relations award. I am still trying to figure out whether or not I can attend the conference in D.C. in July, but either way, I'm psyched. Just another "warm fuzzy" to make up for feeling so yucky.

-Em

Recently, I finished reading Cold Tangerines, a collection of short essays on the joy that can be found in the everyday details of life. The author talks about struggling with her weight, job, house, faith, jealousy, etc., all while finding joy in the small "treasures" that pop into our lives, often without us even noticing. A good reminder that we need to open our eyes a little wider as we trudge through our daily lives...there are gifts to be had, but we probably miss most of them.

It was a book given to me by my friend Jen as a Christmas gift, and as soon as I finished reading it (two days later, I think? It was a quick and addicting read...), I thought about how much I'd like to share the book with some of my girlfriends from high school: Aubrey, Kate, Michele, and Tosha. A few years ago, I bought them the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" as a Christmas gift. It is a somewhat cheesy, sentimental coming-of-age story about the friendship of teenage girls, and though there were only four friends in the books, it reminded me so much of the five of us girls in high school.

I am thankful, and in awe of the fact that, we are all still friends after all these years. There have been periods where we've lost touch, one or two of us, for a time during life events, but we've been lucky enough (thanks, InterWeb!) to re-connect. We've all been through a lot in the past 10 years, since we saw each other daily at school, or spent Saturday nights having our SNL parties...since religiously wearing the necklaces Aubrey made all of us, which announced our nicknames.

We seemed like an impenetrable force back then: friends forever, and all of us very different...not some typical high school clique where all the girls try to talk, look, and act like one another. I am amazed that we were mature enough at that age to be able to appreciate and exploit those differences. Since those simpler days, we've all been through so much: deaths of close family members, divorces, broken hearts, unexpected pregnancies, infidelity, infertility, financial hardships... among us, we've experienced so much, and I feel blessed to have the perspectives of these good friends to help round out my world-view.

Back to the book...I've decided it is one that I want to have "travel" from each of these friends to the other. We'll have the "sisterhood of the traveling book" instead, and hopefully each woman will be able to glean something out of it to help her through her own daily struggles.

The day I finished reading the book, I e-mailed the author to thank her for the words she wrote. She lives in Grand Rapids, and the book was published through a smaller Christian publishing house based there, so it wasn't too difficult to track down this information. Just this morning I received a reply from the author. The author wrote me back! That fact alone, as you can imagine, made me nearly pee my pants...

Her words were so kind and encouraging (I told her I am an 'aspiring writer and mommy', which is true...the two things I want most in life, which are beyond my current reach, but to which I will continue to aspire), and she thanked me for sharing with her how the words she had written touched me. I felt so honored that she'd take the time to write me back.

I'm realizing, more and more every day, that a person's words...that's what matters. No matter how small or expansive, "right-on" or "a little off"--just having someone take the time to say those words or write those words makes all the difference. Words connect us to one another in a way that is un-duplicate-able (see? you all know I love creating my own words). I guess, for that reason, I feel sort of blessed to know that my life's work is all tied up in words (because, holy cow, if that isn't the case, how lost am I?), and I hope they will one day be able to touch people as much as others' have touched me.

In the same vein, I hope that we all realize (self-proclaimed writers or not) what a difference just a few words can make to another person. This particular author's words touched me, and my words, in turn, were "a gift" to her, as she put it. I want to keep this cycle going, and that is why I will continue to publish here, even when no one is reading or commenting. And that is why I will send this book along to those five friends...because words can make all the difference in our daily lives.

-Em

I am one of those people who easily takes on the problems and struggles of others. In all of those personality profile quizzes I've taken for various management classes, I am always deemed a "counselor," someone who listens, sometimes offers advice, but mostly just lends an open ear to those who need to talk. It seems that no matter where I go, this counselor "aura" follows me. It's one of those unspoken things that others can often just sense. Co-workers have been known to come to my office, very often, asking if they can vent to me for a while. Even in my new job. I'm a little surprised how quickly I've fallen into that counselor role. I guess I must empathize with people pretty well, (admittedly sometimes more than I should), because I am always worrying about others I care about (and some that I just happen to know, but of course wish the best for).

This "trying to conceive" journey of mine has been a mostly lonely road so far. My friend Gail struggled with infertility and a miscarriage as well, but before I was even close to trying, so I have become enlightened to the deepness of her suffering only after-the-fact. She and her husband are now blessed with a beautiful son...he is a wonderful, beautiful little boy. She has been a comfort to me as I've struggled through this.

Now, my dearest Kate is struggling, too, and I cannot fully express the extent of my sadness for her. Part of me is so grateful, at times, to have someone I'm so close to finally understand, but that comfort does not keep me from struggling every day--wishing I could somehow shelter her from this pain. It is killing me to watch her go through it. Suddenly, I am in "protective big sister" mode, and I want to punch certain doctors in the face. I want to give dirty looks to the people who make her feel worse, when she already feels bad enough about herself. I want to make this all go away. It is not fair. Why Kate? Kate will be such a wonderful mother, I know she will be. I just do not understand life sometimes, and I know we're not necessarily meant to, but I'm praying harder than ever that the answers will soon become more clear as to why some of us struggle while others do not.

In the meantime, I just need some extra strength here, if you're listening...we both do.

-Em

[Note: Please know that I would not share the similar struggles of Gail and Kate here if they both were not already open about them themselves. I am not trying to tell other people's secrets, but rather tell them how much of a comfort they've been to me. Just in case anyone was worried... ]

A podcast that every woman should listen to...we spend so much of our energy being angry at our bodies for not being the way we think they should be, or want them to be...and it's an affliction we pass on to the next generation whenever we complain openly about them (and multiplies whenever we commiserate with our peers about how much we hate our own).

This discussion doesn't advocate complacency, or not setting goals if you want to improve your overall health/fitness, but rather focuses on being at peace with your body, being grateful for what it does do for you, and re-calibrating our perceptions of our own body images. 

I also appreciated the discussion on how "being healthy" and "being thin" are not necessarily synonymous. I think we sometimes judge other women too harshly, not realizing the full spectrum of what healthy can outwardly look like on different women's body types.

Here is the BlogHer category containing more 'Letters to My Body' submitted by women.

-Em

Monday evening, my parents arrived from Ohio. They'd been visiting with Becky and Justin in Columbus, and swung up to visit us before continuing on to Kansas and Nebraska to see my grandma/grandpa and the rest of my mom's side of the family. We had pork roast and roasted new potatoes and carrots for dinner, which turned out pretty yummy overall, except that the meat ended up staying a little longer in the crockpot than it should've. Still good, though.

Tuesday, I was off work, but Drew had to work. I had a nice, leisurely visit with my parents. Grandma, especially, spoiled Molly and Sammy, lavishing lots of petting, belly rubs, playing, sneaking bites of cheese their way, etc. I think she may like her grandpuppies. Molly and Sammy don't seem to quite know what to do with themselves now, as they're not getting nearly as much attention from boring ol' mama and papa. I made a smoked salmon and bagel bake for breakfast. We all took naps. We ventured into downtown Holland, though the weather changed from sunny and relatively warm (40's) to much colder and windier, so we didn't make it far. We met Drew for dinner at the Curragh, and we were given a table right in front of the fireplace, which was pleasant. After dinner, we took my parents on a tour of our new places of work. It was also the first time I've been inside Drew's new company...very impressive building. I loved the waterfall outside the expansive lunch room window best!

Wednesday morning I said good-bye to my parents before leaving for work. It was a short visit, but it was great to see them. I miss my parents.

Wednesday night, we met Becky and Abby in GR at Bull's Head for dinner...I had the feature, grilled shrimp and scallops with a roasted red pepper sauce and asparagus and wild rice. Drew had an awesome sashimi tuna steak and was gracious enough to give me a bite. I think we'll definitely go back, if only for that tuna! After dinner, we saw Rent, and my oh my, was that fun! I have really missed going to the theatre, and I have to admit being immersed in the musical made me long to act/sing again. Made me think I should look into community theatre or something...but then again, I haven't performed since playing Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors my senior year of high school, so I'd imagine I'm just a tad bit rusty...

-Em