Thanks, everyone, for your comments. I figured I'd write my own update here for now, instead of replying to e-mails. It's easier to write it once for now, and hopefully, as the week goes on, I'll be able to catch up with people a bit more individually.

We are pleased with the outcome of the surgery, definitely. We were a bit surprised that the cyst was on my fallopian tube, rather than my left ovary, after the ultrasounds. But the ultrasounds also didn't quite capture it's full size, either--or perhaps it has just grown even more over the past few weeks, while I've been waiting for my surgery date. Anyway, all the bloating, discomfort, pain, and bleeding I've been experiencing makes more sense now.

And, of course, I'm experiencing a lot more pain and discomfort right now. I don't think I was quite prepared for this pain. It is hard for me to get up to go to the bathroom, and it's really hard to even try to roll over in bed. When I do get up to walk, I feel like an old man shuffling around...hunched over and holding on to my painful abdomen. I haven't really looked at the three incisions they made on my abdomen yet; I'll probably wait until Drew gets home from work tonight and can help me take a shower.

I am very thankful that the doctors didn't find anything out of the ordinary, and that the surgery went well...but right now, I'm just wishing for that morphine drip at the hospital...I'm that uncomfortable.

-Em

Drew here. 

Em's surgery went well.  It turns out that it wasn't an ovarian cyst, but that it was on her tube.  The doctor removed the (extremely large) cyst without any trouble.  They think that the cyst was blocking her tube because it was larger than her uterus.  The doctor also ran dye through her tubes after the removal and everything checked out.  No PCOS or Endomytriosis was found.  Aside from the cyst, everything looked normal. 

The doctor told her that she can't drive until thursday and can't return to work until friday.

She is having some pain, but she's got some vicodin and ibuprofin to keep her company :) 

It's hard to believe that this little guy...

...celebrated his 1st Birthday this week.

Pictures on the left.

-Em

Within just the last few weeks, I've started to make myself imagine a life different from the one I have imagined consistently since childhood. When I was a little girl, I loved playing house. I always wanted to be the mommy--never the baby, and surely not the "teenager." I never felt comfortable unless I was the one doing the caregiving--not the one receiving. I loved making sure the others were well taken care of, the feeling of nurturing (okay, and maybe, just maybe, a little of the controlling part, too. ) I'm sure part of this stems from being the oldest daughter in my family of four siblings (and, even though I had an older brother, I was often called on to "be in charge" of the other three when my parents were out).

I think it is healthy for me to at least try to imagine a life for myself that doesn't include being a mother to children of my own. I'm not trying to sound as if I've lost all hope that I will get pregnant again some day, or be able to carry a child to term this time. I'm not saying that we'd never consider adoption, though many of the horror stories I've heard lately render me just as helpless feeling as now, without having any control over my "defective" body.

So, I'm trying to imagine what it would be like, not having children. Isn't it weird that I've honestly never even considered such a scenario? I think it is time to at least consider it. I'm learning that I am not strong enough--emotionally resilient enough--to carry out our fertility efforts for many more years to come. We have set a "deadline" of sorts for ourselves. If we aren't making any sort of recognizable progress this calendar year, we will be throwing in the towel on our efforts to conceive a child of our own (at least with a specialist's intervention). Three years, for me, is enough...if only because working with a specialist is so all-consuming, so time-consuming, that I cannot do it while not, at the same time, completely dwelling on it. For me, the two can never be mutually exclusive. And I don't want to spend more years of my life in this state of mind--being this disappointed, being this upset with myself.

A life without children wouldn't be so bad, right? I mean, lots of couples choose this route every day without batting an eyelash. So why is it so hard for me to envision? My writing career could begin in earnest...no excuses left not to truly "launch" my freelance writing career, as well as become the novelist I've always dreamt of! Think of all the vacations we could take, Drew and I, with that money we've been reserving for a family? We could be the cool, quirky aunt and uncle to our many nieces and nephews and pseudo nieces and nephews. Maybe seeing all of our brothers' and sisters' children and good friends' children on visits would be enough after all?

The future...the older I get, the more unsure I am about what it might hold. Makes you wonder how we could be so sure of it when we were young.

-Em

So...what do you guys think of this device? Have you heard of it?

I have mixed feelings on it. On the one hand, I love the convenience of it, the fact that it doesn't kill trees, and that the display mimics reading off a page. On the other hand, I can barely imagine not having shelves upon shelves overflowing with those thick, tangible, bound pages filled with wonderful strings of words that I can highlight, underline, write in the margins of, etc. Yes, there is something infinitely comforting to this book-lover about the physicality of the book itself. Am I just a fuddy-duddy for being somewhat melancholy about continued attempts to "upgrade" good ol' books?

Your thoughts?

-Em