I had my doctor's appointment this morning, and the doctor confirmed what Drew and I had guessed at: the ovarian cyst has grown another two centimeters since my last ultrasound in November. She said, at this size, we need to get it out. She is going to schedule surgery for two or three weeks out (probably the second or third week in February). Luckily, it looks as though it is a "simple" cyst, so she does not believe we need to worry about a malignancy, etc. She also said she will do whatever she can to preserve my ovary during the surgery, though she did caution me that there are no guarantees. She talked about a few other exploratory procedures she would do "while she's in there," to investigate to see if anything else might be wrong with my tubes, ovaries, uterus, etc. She said, even if she doesn't find anything else abnormal, it is good information to have, especially if she needs to refer me to the "big gun" fertility specialists in Grand Rapids.

I went to check out after my appointment. The practice has been recently remodeled, and I was commenting on how different it looked to the lady behind the desk. A nurse I recognized from my prenatal  appointments when I was pregnant with LJ was walking by, as I made my comment, and she stopped to join in the conversation. She said, "Oh yeah, you were in here a lot during all the mess of the renovation!" I smiled and said yes. Then, she said, "How is your little one doing?" I was so stunned that I didn't know what to say, and I was just trying to blink away the tears that had somehow instantly appeared in my eyes. "Fine, fine..." I said, hoping that'd be the end of it. "How old now?" she continued. I had to finally stop there and shake my head and stammer, "Oh, the baby didn't...um..." as I began to sob. She and the lady behind the counter were of course stunned as I turned and walked out of the office.

I have to admit...I've had better days. I'm trying to focus on the "good" news...that I shouldn't worry about the cyst being cancerous. But, it's hard. I kinda just want this day to be over.

-Em