Only a couple days left of feeling obligated to post every day. Yes, all of a sudden I am feeling burnt out.

Obviously, I no longer have a perfect record, since Drew served as my under-study last night. I haven't been feeling very well the past couple of days. Just really tired and run-down, though, so it's not a big deal. I guess that's my only excuse for not having much motivation to post the past couple of days.

Anyway, I don't have anything very interesting to post tonight. Yes, as Drew mentioned, we've been getting a lot of estimates for replacing countertops, appliances, and carpeting/tile (upstairs in the living room/kitchen/dining area as well as the hallway to the upstairs bedrooms, stairway to both levels, and entry area). We'll probably do a little at a time, as we can afford it, and I think countertops will be first on the list. We got some initial estimates on solid surfaces such as granite, quartz, and Corian, but I don't think we're willing to spend that much. We're leaning toward laminate or granite tile (which can be comparable, price-wise, to laminate). Drew has been researching the granite tile a bit more to see if he is up to the challenge of doing it himself. (I'm not sure I'm up to being without a working kitchen for a couple weeks or more, but I guess we'll see. )

Other than that, it looks like we'll be getting a winter storm over the weekend. More snow for us!

-Em

Drew Here. I'm standing in for Em today so she can keep her perfect record :)   more »

Thank you to those friends and family members who have helped me get to the point of feeling like the news we received yesterday is not so bleak (you know who you are). 

This cyst, and the surgical procedure required to remove it, is only a detour, not a roadblock.

It is something that, once taken care of, will hopefully make our "chances" easier.

It is just one more thing to endure along this journey (way too windy for my tastes, but who am I to say what my journey to having a child is supposed to be?).

This latest road bump, as with all its predecessors, will not break me.

I don't know what I'd do without the support of family and friends right now. It is very scary, even embarrassing, to share the details of what we're going through right now. I feel so vulnerable laying it all out on the table. But, at the same time, this is my built-in support system right now. I know that, if I didn't have this blog (or NaBloPoMo keeping me writing this month--something I really should extend into next month, actually), my reaction would probably be to keep most of these details to myself, tucked all up inside to torture me, and me alone. It is hard to bring up this subject with others, and I'm always worried that, one of these days, someone is just going to say, "Enough already! Honestly, Ember, we're sick of hearing about it!" And, well, I'm a little too fragile right now, I think, to hear those words.

So, thanks, you guys, for not saying that (even if you've thought it). Because I guess I need this. To sort out my thoughts on all that is going on right now, and, you know, not go completely nuts or dissolve down again into depression and isolation from the continual sadness and frustration I feel.

Thanks for putting up with me.

-Em

I'm sad. I shouldn't be, considering. I mean, you'd think, two years after beginning our "trying to conceive" journey, that I'd be used to getting bad news. After all, the majority of the news we've received on the subject all these months has been bad. Oh wait, one good thing, followed very quickly by more bad. Why do I get my hopes up? I mean, people are all, "It's good to see you starting to hope again," but why? I mean, what's the point, really? It just hurts more when you get that inevitable bad news. Lord knows I'm "used to" it by now. You'd think it'd stop hurting so much.

I had my follow-up ultrasound to last week's today. My doctor says what she saw hasn't gone down, so it's looking like a big cyst. She still wants to wait a couple weeks and take a blood test before we do anything else, just in case we did conceive, but the chances are very low. After these weeks have passed, and we get the negative pregnancy test, we will schedule a laparoscopy to remove the cyst. Yay.

-Em

Well, the long holiday weekend is coming to an end. Although I'm not leaping for joy at the notion of having to return to work tomorrow (does anyone, really? especially after a holiday weekend?), I have noticed a huge difference in my state of mind on Sunday nights ever since I started my new job. Before, I used to spend a good portion of Sunday bemoaning the thought of going back to "that place" to do "that stuff." 

Now, I enjoy that place I must go to, and that stuff I work on does not make me want to pull out all of my hair, nor does it bore me to tears--quite the contrary, in fact! I am really enjoying being more creative and stretching myself in new ways. I know that this job is still very new, and almost anything that's new seems great at first, but I am convinced a little more every day that accepting this position was the right decision...if only for the fact that I don't spend half my weekend dreading going back to it.

Yep. That's reason enough for me. 

-Em