Afterwards, I went back to bed…too scared to sit and wait for the result myself. He checked the test for me. Negative, again. He broke the bad news to me gently, held me, said he was sorry. Inside, all I could think was, “No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve failed again at making you a Father. I so wanted to have a special present for you this Father’s Day.”

He responded to my thoughts before I could even utter them aloud.

“As far as I'm concerned, we've got two beautiful children waiting for us in heaven, and in my mind, they are the best kids ever. They may not be with us physically, but I'm still fortunate to have had even the few weeks we did with each of them. So, I am a Daddy and you are a Mommy to our two beautiful kids, and we are good parents because we still love them, always will…”

He had to stop then, as the tears came.

This weekend, I want to wish you a Happy Father’s Day, Drew. Even on this day when it feels impossible to be happy.

Thank you for loving us so deeply,

Mama, LJ, and BB (and Molly and Sammy, too)