I don't have anything very exciting to write about this morning, but I feel compelled to take a break from working to organize a few thoughts and catch everyone up on what's been going on with us.

First, we found out this weekend that the cycle discussed here and here was unsuccessful. The incessant rain this weekend felt like an appropriate depiction of the sadness we felt. We spent a lot of time cuddling and crying and truly letting ourselves feel the pain, which although it may sound pretty depressing, was probably good for us. For those of you wondering, "Wow, another failed attempt at conceiving. How long are these two going to keep at this?"-- I don't have an answer for you. For now, we will probably try two more cycles before my doctor will need to force my body to take a break from all of the fertility drugs. If we aren't successful by then, we will need to re-evaluate our situation at that time, the same as we have been doing these past few years as we've reached other milestones. We appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers as we continue to work through this difficult time. That you are all out there rooting for us and wishing us well means more than you'll ever know.

In other news, I am now past the half-way point in my second semester of teaching two university-level classes: business writing and technical writing. I learned a lot last semester that I've been trying to immediately apply this semester, and I'm learning a whole slew of new lessons this semester as well. Basically, I'm pretty convinced that I'm learning more than the students are at this point. I have joined two other professors this semester to work on a translation project between the U.S. and another university in Italy. Although the final outcome has yet to be seen, I am hoping that my technical writing students will gain some experience in working within an international team, as such skills are so integral in today's workplace, and also with preparing instructional texts for the translation process (definitely not as easy a task as you'd think).

In my other job, I'm keeping very busy as well (thank goodness). As with most other people right now, I am worried about my job. K-12 educational funding in our state has been recently cut, and we are still waiting to see how it will impact my regional educational services organization. I am still loving the variety of projects I get to work on, the creative writing I get to do, and seeing how the publications we produce make a difference in the school districts and community, so for now I will just continue to be thankful for the job I have and hope that I'll be able to keep it.

Last night, we went out to dinner with a colleague of Drew's who is visiting from Germany. We had a great time at the Japanese steakhouse talking about the differences between languages, dialects, and cultures. We haven't mentioned the possibility much to people up until this point, but ever since Drew spent time in Germany and France last fall for work, we've been discussing the possibility of someday becoming ex-pats. Of course, right now wouldn't be a great time for it to happen. With owning a house, three cars, two dogs, and me being on so much medication to control my PCOS, we are not exactly in a flexible enough state to pick up and move overseas. But, it is exciting to discuss the possibility. And, if adding to our family does not work out the way we'd like it to, the five bedroom house with the big yard starts to seem a little unnecessary to keep. Drew's boss has told him that if he ever gets serious about the prospect, just let him know. I think the opportunity might be there, if we find ourselves in the position that we can take it.

Finally, my dear husband generously bought me a new toy this past weekend. I have been "following" this electronic reading device since it was introduced in 2007. At first, I had mixed feelings about it. As an avid reader and someone who has always been emotionally attached to the physicality of books, the device, at first, seemed like "the beginning of the end." Now, however, my feelings have changed slightly, though I must admit that a small part of me feels like a traitor who has joined the "dark side." "What will become of the publishing industry and libraries if I support the development of these devices by purchasing one?" I used to think. But, as with anything else, if you can't resist change, you must embrace it. So, I guess I am choosing to embrace it now, as we have seen the "writing on the wall" for publishing of late with the consolidation and closings of so many newspapers and other media outlets who are also going "paperless."

Also, when we calculate out how much we'd spent to buy additional bookshelves (ours are currently beyond capacity), as well as how much I spend on my Barnes & Noble membership and books each year, the numbers spoke for themselves. Once the device pays for itself, we can also feel good about the fact that we'll be killing fewer trees. And, the "techie" features such as text-to-speech, bookmarks/annotations, a search function, and a dictionary look-up aren't half-bad, either. I'm excited to give it a try, though I know I probably wouldn't have bought it for myself. (So, thanks, sweetie. )

Have a great week,
Em

Recently, I finished reading Cold Tangerines, a collection of short essays on the joy that can be found in the everyday details of life. The author talks about struggling with her weight, job, house, faith, jealousy, etc., all while finding joy in the small "treasures" that pop into our lives, often without us even noticing. A good reminder that we need to open our eyes a little wider as we trudge through our daily lives...there are gifts to be had, but we probably miss most of them.

It was a book given to me by my friend Jen as a Christmas gift, and as soon as I finished reading it (two days later, I think? It was a quick and addicting read...), I thought about how much I'd like to share the book with some of my girlfriends from high school: Aubrey, Kate, Michele, and Tosha. A few years ago, I bought them the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" as a Christmas gift. It is a somewhat cheesy, sentimental coming-of-age story about the friendship of teenage girls, and though there were only four friends in the books, it reminded me so much of the five of us girls in high school.

I am thankful, and in awe of the fact that, we are all still friends after all these years. There have been periods where we've lost touch, one or two of us, for a time during life events, but we've been lucky enough (thanks, InterWeb!) to re-connect. We've all been through a lot in the past 10 years, since we saw each other daily at school, or spent Saturday nights having our SNL parties...since religiously wearing the necklaces Aubrey made all of us, which announced our nicknames.

We seemed like an impenetrable force back then: friends forever, and all of us very different...not some typical high school clique where all the girls try to talk, look, and act like one another. I am amazed that we were mature enough at that age to be able to appreciate and exploit those differences. Since those simpler days, we've all been through so much: deaths of close family members, divorces, broken hearts, unexpected pregnancies, infidelity, infertility, financial hardships... among us, we've experienced so much, and I feel blessed to have the perspectives of these good friends to help round out my world-view.

Back to the book...I've decided it is one that I want to have "travel" from each of these friends to the other. We'll have the "sisterhood of the traveling book" instead, and hopefully each woman will be able to glean something out of it to help her through her own daily struggles.

The day I finished reading the book, I e-mailed the author to thank her for the words she wrote. She lives in Grand Rapids, and the book was published through a smaller Christian publishing house based there, so it wasn't too difficult to track down this information. Just this morning I received a reply from the author. The author wrote me back! That fact alone, as you can imagine, made me nearly pee my pants...

Her words were so kind and encouraging (I told her I am an 'aspiring writer and mommy', which is true...the two things I want most in life, which are beyond my current reach, but to which I will continue to aspire), and she thanked me for sharing with her how the words she had written touched me. I felt so honored that she'd take the time to write me back.

I'm realizing, more and more every day, that a person's words...that's what matters. No matter how small or expansive, "right-on" or "a little off"--just having someone take the time to say those words or write those words makes all the difference. Words connect us to one another in a way that is un-duplicate-able (see? you all know I love creating my own words). I guess, for that reason, I feel sort of blessed to know that my life's work is all tied up in words (because, holy cow, if that isn't the case, how lost am I?), and I hope they will one day be able to touch people as much as others' have touched me.

In the same vein, I hope that we all realize (self-proclaimed writers or not) what a difference just a few words can make to another person. This particular author's words touched me, and my words, in turn, were "a gift" to her, as she put it. I want to keep this cycle going, and that is why I will continue to publish here, even when no one is reading or commenting. And that is why I will send this book along to those five friends...because words can make all the difference in our daily lives.

-Em

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert

So here is one of these books that Oprah Winfrey endorses, and I feel almost embarrassed to admit I'm reading it. Does it help that I didn't know Oprah had endorsed it until after I found it, thought it interesting, bought it, and started reading it? I sure hope so!

Anyway, so far I've only read about "Liz's" experiences in Italy. As part of the 36 "stories" about her time in Italy, in pursuit of pleasure, she recounts the downfall of her marriage and her painful divorce. She discusses her struggle with depression, self-loathing, and guilt during that time. One review (on the Barnes and Noble site via the link above) harps on her for leaving her marriage "for her own selfish purposes." Having read this portion already, I could understand how some people feel this way about her divorce. But me? I related to every word. Perhaps that makes me selfish as well. After all, I have been divorced. There are many people out there who will judge someone for getting a divorce, without knowing all of the circumstances. To many, unless physical violence was a part of the decision to leave, it is "selfish." No one else really knows what happens in a marriage between two people. Some may argue that people give up on marriages too easily these days, and I'm sure there is much truth to that statement. When is a marriage not worth trying to salvage? Only two people really know that answer--the two married people--and it is not often that both parties completely agree, either. I guess for me, having experienced a divorce, being someone who actually quite strongly opposed divorce, and, in the end, being the one who filed for divorce in my first marriage, I have a lot of mixed feelings/emotions on the topic.

No one can ever understand what it's really like to be in that marriage. It pains me that others can be judged so harshly by outsiders, or even friends or family. At the same time, I have heard accounts of failed marriages that I have certainly judged myself. How bass ackwards is that?

Anyway, time to step down off my soapbox. It's really interesting the things I relate to as I continue on into my adult life. I never expected to relate so completely with other divorcees. I never expected to commiserate with others about infertility issues. I never expected to participate in Infant/Child Loss Remembrance Day, lighting a candle for the baby we lost this year. Life has thrown me some curve balls these past several years. My life now does not resemble, one iota, what I thought it would at 28 years old, back when I was in high school or college. I wouldn't have been divorced. I'd have kids by now. I would be much thinner.  I would have made more progress on the writing goals I have set for my life.

Life doesn't often take you where you think it will. And that's okay. I'm learning to become okay with it, to surrender and give up the detailed plan in my head.

I've gotten off track here. See all the topics this non-fiction book has stirred up within me? For me, that already makes the book a success. I hope to gain some more insights into finding balance and happiness in life, in spite of the curve balls thrown my way, as I continue reading.

-Em

P.S. The Amazon reviews of this book are a bit more complimentary, and the informative blurbs offer a bit more detail about the book itself (since I didn't actually do much of a synopsis of it, after all).

I received this book from my friend Aimee for my birthday. It is a part of the Great Michigan Read, and I am really enjoying it so far. I haven't read a lot of Hemingway--I think the only other work of his I've read is The Old Man and the Sea, and it was a long time ago--but I am definitely enjoying his terse, unflowery prose so far. This book is the first publication of all of Hemingway's Nick Adam stories (stories loosely based on his experiences spending summers in Northern Michigan as well as other coming-of-age tales) in one place. Some of them he never finished. It is interesting reading these works, and experiencing a literary genius, deconstructed. Makes me realize all writers, as they draft, are imperfect at first.

Oh yeah, the other cool thing is that Jack Jobst is in the bibliography.  I knew of Jack's research interest in Hemingway, but it was still neat to see my former prof and family friend's name as I read some of the back story for this book.

-Em