I am one of those people who easily takes on the problems and struggles of others. In all of those personality profile quizzes I've taken for various management classes, I am always deemed a "counselor," someone who listens, sometimes offers advice, but mostly just lends an open ear to those who need to talk. It seems that no matter where I go, this counselor "aura" follows me. It's one of those unspoken things that others can often just sense. Co-workers have been known to come to my office, very often, asking if they can vent to me for a while. Even in my new job. I'm a little surprised how quickly I've fallen into that counselor role. I guess I must empathize with people pretty well, (admittedly sometimes more than I should), because I am always worrying about others I care about (and some that I just happen to know, but of course wish the best for).

This "trying to conceive" journey of mine has been a mostly lonely road so far. My friend Gail struggled with infertility and a miscarriage as well, but before I was even close to trying, so I have become enlightened to the deepness of her suffering only after-the-fact. She and her husband are now blessed with a beautiful son...he is a wonderful, beautiful little boy. She has been a comfort to me as I've struggled through this.

Now, my dearest Kate is struggling, too, and I cannot fully express the extent of my sadness for her. Part of me is so grateful, at times, to have someone I'm so close to finally understand, but that comfort does not keep me from struggling every day--wishing I could somehow shelter her from this pain. It is killing me to watch her go through it. Suddenly, I am in "protective big sister" mode, and I want to punch certain doctors in the face. I want to give dirty looks to the people who make her feel worse, when she already feels bad enough about herself. I want to make this all go away. It is not fair. Why Kate? Kate will be such a wonderful mother, I know she will be. I just do not understand life sometimes, and I know we're not necessarily meant to, but I'm praying harder than ever that the answers will soon become more clear as to why some of us struggle while others do not.

In the meantime, I just need some extra strength here, if you're listening...we both do.

-Em

[Note: Please know that I would not share the similar struggles of Gail and Kate here if they both were not already open about them themselves. I am not trying to tell other people's secrets, but rather tell them how much of a comfort they've been to me. Just in case anyone was worried... ]