I am playing a bit of catch-up with posting photos. The 'Recent Photos' on the left include the few I took during my D.C. conference, the West Michigan Whitecaps baseball game we went to with our friends Becky and Abby last Saturday, and a couple other stragglers from around the house.

Did I mention they're all taken on our new camera? I fell in love with my sister's Canon PowerShot SD1000 when she was visiting last month, and I've been wanting a new point-and-shoot. This will be a great alternative for times when we just don't feel like carrying the Nikon DSLR and associated gear around with us.

Anyway, okay. I feel a little more caught-up now.

Have a great weekend!

-Em

Well, I just wrote a nice long post about this week and the visitors we had, but my browser crashed, and now I'm too grumpy to re-write the whole thing.

Here's the abridged version:

My sister Becky visited Monday - Thursday. We had some great conversations and fun hanging out. I miss having her nearby. (I didn't take any pictures with my camera while she was here, but I know she took some with her point-and-shoot. I'd like to get the same one she has...I don't tend to lug the DSLR around as often).

Rachel, Ben, and Sam visited Thursday - Saturday. I had a lot of fun with the boys, and they were so good. Sammy is an amazingly happy baby, and Ben is gregarious and hilarious. It was also great catching up with my good friend, Rachel. I miss her. (To see some pictures of the boys, click on the 'Recent Photos' on the left.)

Today, our house is quiet. It has been great having some quality time with Drew, but it is difficult coming down from the excitement of such great visitors and kids in the house. I am very thankful for the visits, though. Thank you, guys, for coming.

Now, we are looking forward to a shortened week for the holiday. Then, on Sunday (Drew's birthday), I fly out to D.C. for a public relations conference. It's too bad I have to leave on Drew's special day, but I am looking forward to the conference itself.

-Em

When we first looked at this house, I remember saying to Drew, "One of the first things I would want to change are these ugly, off-white, damaged, and stained countertops." It's been more than three years since then, and they're finally, finally going! Woo hoo!

Drew has been working on most of the demolition today (we opted to do this part ourselves to save money), and the new countertops are supposed to be installed on Wednesday. We will be without the use of our kitchen for a few days, but I think it'll all be worth it. We need to go pick out our new sink and faucet in the next couple of days as well.

Check out the 'Recent Photos' on the left for a few demolition pics and a preview of what the countertops will look like. I'll post more photos of the finished product later this week.

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In other news, we traveled down to Earlville yesterday for Barry and Kristi's wedding reception. It was a lot of fun, and we got to see some friends we haven't seen for quite sometime (Hi Ryan and Brooke! Aaron and Kelli!). Earlier, before the reception, I enjoyed some much-needed girl time with Kate, Aubrey, and Michele while Drew went golfing (and, ahem, bar-hopping) with Collin, Darrell, and Brent. It was great spending time with the girls, and I know for a fact that Drew enjoyed himself, too. Miss you guys already!

-Em

Kate and I have been discussing infertility a lot lately. Shocker, I know...  Of course we would be, right? It is something that is at the forefront of both of our minds right now--as we each struggle to conceive a child of our own. It is so comforting to talk to someone who's done the same research, gotten similar information from doctors, and basically just understands the ins and outs of infertility more than the average person.

In addition to information sharing, story-swapping, and sanity-checking, we've also discussed "reasons" why we think we might be going through this struggle. I think, as humans, we always try to make sense of things like this. Maybe there is no real reason, I don't know, but I guess I'm not really willing to believe that (at this point in my life, anyway). I need to believe there's more to it than that. I need to feel like I was chosen to endure this for some sort of reason--not because I'm being punished, or merely because I'm the "lucky" random person who got picked out of the hat.

Today, Kate brought a post written on a message board by another infertile to my attention:

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"What God meant when he gave me infertility..

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: Just relax and you'll get pregnant, or adopt and you'll get pregnant, of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan; maybe God never meant for you to have children. The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life? It's hard to understand that people cannot see infertility for what it is; a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled. I've gained more compassion, deeper courage, greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice; I'll say "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Take hold, ladies, that God has a greater plan for us as women and as mothers. We are in for the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink we've ever known! Take hold ladies...God will not forsake us!"

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Besides this woman's thoughts being, well, extremely relatable to someone like me, I also want to believe that the "singling out" she mentioned is true. I want to believe that I was chosen to go through this because, perhaps, I'm unafraid (not always, though, I must admit!) to share this experience with others. Kate and I have both discussed these yearnings (for meaning) and agree that along with this struggle comes a responsibility: to help remove the "stigma" and/or misconceptions that accompany this "disease," to educate people, to help people learn to be more empathetic and understanding to those who suffer. 

If we can help just one other person feel less "abnormal" or "broken"--that alone will be enough to have made this all worth it. Like the woman above said, I never would've chosen infertility. Not by a longshot. It often doesn't seem fair that it took us so long to get pregnant with our first child, then, once we did, to lose that child. It doesn't seem fair that the miscarriage was so long, drawn out, and painful. It doesn't seem fair that it's taken nearly a year to even return to the point where we can begin to start trying for a child again. It is a long, slow, and heart-breakingly excrutiating process.

That's why there has to be more to it. I refuse to accept that there is no reason.

-Em

Recently, I finished reading Cold Tangerines, a collection of short essays on the joy that can be found in the everyday details of life. The author talks about struggling with her weight, job, house, faith, jealousy, etc., all while finding joy in the small "treasures" that pop into our lives, often without us even noticing. A good reminder that we need to open our eyes a little wider as we trudge through our daily lives...there are gifts to be had, but we probably miss most of them.

It was a book given to me by my friend Jen as a Christmas gift, and as soon as I finished reading it (two days later, I think? It was a quick and addicting read...), I thought about how much I'd like to share the book with some of my girlfriends from high school: Aubrey, Kate, Michele, and Tosha. A few years ago, I bought them the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" as a Christmas gift. It is a somewhat cheesy, sentimental coming-of-age story about the friendship of teenage girls, and though there were only four friends in the books, it reminded me so much of the five of us girls in high school.

I am thankful, and in awe of the fact that, we are all still friends after all these years. There have been periods where we've lost touch, one or two of us, for a time during life events, but we've been lucky enough (thanks, InterWeb!) to re-connect. We've all been through a lot in the past 10 years, since we saw each other daily at school, or spent Saturday nights having our SNL parties...since religiously wearing the necklaces Aubrey made all of us, which announced our nicknames.

We seemed like an impenetrable force back then: friends forever, and all of us very different...not some typical high school clique where all the girls try to talk, look, and act like one another. I am amazed that we were mature enough at that age to be able to appreciate and exploit those differences. Since those simpler days, we've all been through so much: deaths of close family members, divorces, broken hearts, unexpected pregnancies, infidelity, infertility, financial hardships... among us, we've experienced so much, and I feel blessed to have the perspectives of these good friends to help round out my world-view.

Back to the book...I've decided it is one that I want to have "travel" from each of these friends to the other. We'll have the "sisterhood of the traveling book" instead, and hopefully each woman will be able to glean something out of it to help her through her own daily struggles.

The day I finished reading the book, I e-mailed the author to thank her for the words she wrote. She lives in Grand Rapids, and the book was published through a smaller Christian publishing house based there, so it wasn't too difficult to track down this information. Just this morning I received a reply from the author. The author wrote me back! That fact alone, as you can imagine, made me nearly pee my pants...

Her words were so kind and encouraging (I told her I am an 'aspiring writer and mommy', which is true...the two things I want most in life, which are beyond my current reach, but to which I will continue to aspire), and she thanked me for sharing with her how the words she had written touched me. I felt so honored that she'd take the time to write me back.

I'm realizing, more and more every day, that a person's words...that's what matters. No matter how small or expansive, "right-on" or "a little off"--just having someone take the time to say those words or write those words makes all the difference. Words connect us to one another in a way that is un-duplicate-able (see? you all know I love creating my own words). I guess, for that reason, I feel sort of blessed to know that my life's work is all tied up in words (because, holy cow, if that isn't the case, how lost am I?), and I hope they will one day be able to touch people as much as others' have touched me.

In the same vein, I hope that we all realize (self-proclaimed writers or not) what a difference just a few words can make to another person. This particular author's words touched me, and my words, in turn, were "a gift" to her, as she put it. I want to keep this cycle going, and that is why I will continue to publish here, even when no one is reading or commenting. And that is why I will send this book along to those five friends...because words can make all the difference in our daily lives.

-Em