...to all of those wonderful mothers out there (including my own, who's the best one ever). I am constantly amazed and humbled by all you mothers do for your families. I hope that you feel truly loved and appreciated today. You deserve it.
I feel silly and even a bit inappropriate sharing this next part. This morning when I woke up, the first thing Drew said to me was "Happy Mother's Day." He saw the tears instantly begin to well up in my eyes and held me close to him in a tight bear hug while I cried. I tried to break away from him, to brush off that I'm not "technically" a mother, but he was having none of it. "I don't think LJ would agree with you on that," he said.
These days leading up to Mother's Day have been more difficult for me than I thought they'd be. After all, I do not care for a child each and every day, so how can I really, truly count myself as a member of that important club? I feel like a fraud even considering it.
Still, as I've see the sentimental Mother's Day commercials on television, an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss overtakes me. I feel like a mother. More than that...I was a mother, once, to our never-to-be-born child. No. Even that does not cover it. I am a mother, still, to our precious angel baby. Last year at this time, right before our first child had begun growing inside of me, I remember thinking, my heart filled with hope, that Mother's Day next year would be so special for us...when I'd legitimately be able to celebrate the day with my baby who, now, would be almost four months old. However, that was not to be.
Days like today are a painful reminder of the child we lost, but, somehow, at the same time, they also make me feel closer to our precious LJ. I hope it is not offensive to anyone who has a living child that we are celebrating Mother's Day in our household today. It is not to lessen the real, tangible things you do each and every day to care for your children. I admire you all more than I can say.
-Em